Religious trauma is a broad term that can refer to many different painful experiences that have disturbed the peace of the mind and body. Some of the symptoms of religious trauma can include low self-worth, feelings of guilt, shame, or even disgust towards self, feelings of never being good enough, struggling with boundary setting and people-pleasing tendencies, dissociation from one’s body or one’s own thoughts and feelings, inability to experience pleasure with sex, guilt around sex, anxiety or panic about the afterlife or not knowing what happens after death, and so many more.

Religious trauma is not limited to the more obvious types of trauma such as sexual abuse or being manipulated while on staff or financially abused. Simply being raised within a religious structure that teaches you that you are born inherently evil and indebted to God for your mere existence can cause severe psychological harm. Women being taught that their bodies are a temptation to men and must be covered up can lead to serious dissociation, guilt, and shame around embracing one’s body and/or one’s sexuality. Other people may struggle with anxiety and panic attacks from being taught they risk burning in hell for eternity if they are not “right with God” at the moment of their death or if they choose to embrace their sexual orientation outside of heterosexuality. The type of trauma this inflicts on a person is not something that words can accurately capture or appreciate.

In my own journey healing from over 20 years of being indoctrinated by the church, I turned around and felt grief, rage, sadness, hopelessness, and heartbreak over feeling like much of my life was one big gaslighting. It had made me doubt my own intuition since I was a little girl. I felt like I had been sold a lie and that the god I was taught to believe in was much like Santa Claus, a figment of our imaginations that had never existed in the first place. I felt like all these years I had wasted, thinking I had been talking to my Sky Daddy/father figure, and that it had all been made up the whole time. Almost like a small child being told Santa isn’t real or that their imaginary friend is a figment of their imagination, my inner child was stunned and helpless once I realized the strict evangelical teachings no longer rang true for me. I was devastated and completely lost since previously that relationship with god had dictated almost every action I took in my life. In one moment, I lost my father figure, my lover Jesus, my best friend, and my spiritual gifts from the Holy Spirit, all at once. And sadly because I had been highly controlled and indoctrinated for so long, I really believed the teachings I was raised with—that this was ALL it was or NOTHING. I was taught there was no other god, and absolutely no other path to being spiritual other than Christianity. Even at 22 years old, I was still believing that I had to be 100% on board with all the evangelical beliefs and teachings or I’m a pagan, living a heathen lifestyle destined for hell. That was an extremely scary place to land, with very little support from anyone around me who could relate to my feelings.

Much like survivors of sexual assault and rape, the response of your family and community to your decision to leave the religion can be just as traumatic or even MORE traumatic than the loss itself. I also experienced the pain of family not understanding my choice and feeling judged and even bullied at times for trusting my Higher Self and not allowing others to dissuade me from my inner knowing, my integrity, and my authenticity. It hurt to feel misunderstood and have negative assumptions made about my reasons for leaving. Many people also assume that you left because “you got burned” by a particular person and are bitter. I was never upset at any person in the church. I was upset at the psychological abuse I endured as a result of trauma-bonding to a narcissistic conceptualization of God. THAT was the trauma for me. And yes, you can end up with daddy issues from unhealthy attachment to the god you are raised to believe in.

It is heart-breaking to either lose relationships or have them drastically change when you leave the fold of the religious community. If any of this resonates for you, know that counseling or coaching with me will be aimed at providing you a compassionate and protected space for you to explore your true identity fully and come out the other side more aligned with your own inner knowing. In the beginning of our work together, I will use my Higher Self energy to model creating more openness, curiosity, and compassion for all the unique parts of yourself. Over time, you will be able to shed the layers of judgement placed upon you and begin to embody more curiosity, compassion, and love for yourself. With increased integration of all the parts of self comes an increase in self-awareness and self-trust. Once hidden or exiled parts of the self are allowed to be fully seen and heard, they no longer need to hide in the shadows and subconsciously drive the behavior you are trying to stop or adjust. This takes you to a next level of soul alignment and empowerment to take actions that reflect your values. Embracing all parts of yourself also allows you to build new spiritual practices and beliefs that incorporate your full self, not just ones that church sees as acceptable. It is absolutely possible to thrive again, and my lived experience as well as 10 years of clinical experience and thousands of hours of psychotherapy practice and supervised work will allow me to guide and support each of your parts.

The Unique Challenge of Religious Trauma

Because religious trauma is not usually recognized for the severity of its impact, the grief one experiences after leaving high-demand religion is a disenfranchised type of grief. This means the grief goes over overlooked and unseen, and unless you have someone close in your life going through the same thing, you may have little to no support in your community. You may feel like you’re being dramatic or if you’re having PTSD symptoms that it’s not really that big of a deal because you haven’t been through a “real trauma.” THIS IS NOT THE CASE. Do not gaslight yourself because other people are not aware of the far-reaching effects of your experience. The key is not to make others understand, but instead to give yourself credit that your experience was real and your feelings are valid. It’s VALID to be highly distressed after leaving high-demand religion.

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